I remember that day.
It was my birthday and the day turned to grey. Somehow, the air felt humid with the falling rain felt as cold as ice. I remember that day. I was just standing near a row of funerals. Some people saw me with their gloomy eyes, hugged me tight and told me not to regret about the unfair life that owned me. They told me over and over again about not to regret for I was the only survivor in the time when everything was red : conflagration.
What does 'regret' actually mean? Surely I never know, for that "red" day I felt nothing at all. I just thought the people were too dramatic, that they saw me as a weak and regretful girl.
"Don't regret, don't be sad! It isn't your fault" and again.. someone hugged me at that time.
I still remember that day.
It was my birthday, and a lot of journalists came to me, so they could write an empathize-tragic story of a little girl. Then, people could have a "booming" story to talked about. I hated those journalists. It was too bad, that he was one of among those journalists.
Just to be honest, I really didn't mind if I appeared as the actress on the headlines of the newspaper. I would not even care. But, I was just sick of the people faces after reading it. They thought I was 'fragile' little girl who regret her life forever. I was sick of their support and motivation. I was sick of their (real and fake) sympathy. Because the truth was..that they were deadly wrong.
I never grieve or even regret for standing in front of those funerals. I was silent for enjoying those moment of the 'red' day. Instead, I was so excited. I was enjoying seeing those people called as "friends" (who officially lay down under the cemetery) were burnt.
In that "red" day, I enjoyed listening their screaming voices, seeing their melting skin and watching their roasted teeth. In the red day, I might not set the fire, but, I hadn't any intention to stop the fire, even a tiny one. I was adored by the scenery.
So what should I regret for? being alone?
People thought that I was an innocent.
It was tragic, yet fun. That most people were blind.
That is only my "regret" of this life: No one sees me.
Surely, I always remember that day.
It was my birthday. The day he interviewed me. The day that he saw me guilty. The day that I thought, he was an exceptional among those people. So, I will play with him.
***
Another POV
"Cheers! and Happy Birthday!" I smile and hold a strawberry cake with candles. My baritone voice while singing the birthday song reverberate around this room. It's a payback song for the truth.
She smiles beautifully like a hypnotizing curse. Today is her birthday. Seven years ago, at the same date and the same month, her parents died for a car accident. Last year, six of her friends also died for conflagration. Yes, it's always on her birthday. Then, someone must die today. Perhaps it is me. But, I'll still be here for interviewing her again, and again, even for the last.
Is she really an innocent girl?
or a professional murderer?
"Last year, you promised me"
Yeah, last year was the time when everything began. All of my confusion that drive me insane started when I met her. The day when I found every pieces of her life placed in a wrong puzzle. She was a murder of her parents and her friends. A murder of my sister. But, since last year I became her friend. How come? It was only for her confession, the truth.
A year... that I have passed around her just for today. She really lives like a normal girl who (only seems) has bad memories. I am sick of being crazy about her beauty and her cruelty. People may deceived by her. But that's not me. It is enough that people let me down just because I stood against her!
"Be my friend, and in my next birthday I'll give you an exclusive interview about everything happened, I promise"
"Do you remember your promise?"
She nods her head. Under the moonlight, her wavy blonde hair looks like silver thread. Lovely yet scary. I never know what spell that she used to sympathize people, to make people sees her so innocent. We both sit on the grass in her garden that may become my grave, soon. She smiles (again) to me and cut a piece of cake with the knife. I take that cake and seeing her with eyes saying 'oh-please-don't-waste-the-time' She laughs beautifully for understanding my eyes language.
"Here" she gives a present box. "It's for the first year anniversary of our friendship...and perhaps the last as well.." she continues. I bet that I saw she smirked at a glance, for a few second.
"Use that for the interview" I find the present is a tape recorder.
"Let's just start" Just ignore the cake, the candles and this 'weird-tighten' moment! This truth should be uncovered.
"Lilian, people assumed you as the 'survive victim' of the conflagration last year. But, you are actually the one who set the fire, right?"
"Yes, I intentionally set the fire. It's because my chemical-project on the lab was mistaken and caused explosion."
"How come you didn't hurt at all?"
"I went to restroom for a while, and I found all the places had burnt"
"were you trying to help you friends get out?"
"No" Her voice is so icy and flat.
"why?"
"Because I was enjoying the moment."
"The moment? seeing your friends dying? Did it just prove that you are a murder?"
"Perhaps"
"Why didn't you say this to people?"
"Because no one asked, and they didn't believe what I said. They said it was just traumatic condition that pushed me, so I blame myself for being sloppy. Funny isn't it? They even thought that I regretted that tragedy..haha"
I take a deep breath, when she laughs it feels that the atmosphere is so heavy.
"I heard one of those students were your sister? I'm sorry"
"Students? You don't say that they are your friends?"
"It's a complex word for me. The only one friend.. that I know is just you.."
"Do you hate them? So you kill them?"
"It's a rude. I don't hate them, and I don't kill them. I just let them burnt"
Really, the way she said let them burnt was so elegant and sharp. I don't understand.
"What!? Ah... so WHY do you enjoy letting them burnt?"
"I'm sick of their eyes when sees me amazingly. I'm sick of their way trusting me. I'm sick of their excessive honor."
I am pertify for hearing that silly reason. How come? She kill people for being loved?
"...hmm...Love and Adore are different, they just adored" she smirks to me as if she can read what I just thought.
"How about your parents? Did you also responsible of the car accident seven years ago?"
She nods calmly "I broke the car brake before.. and they are actually not my parents. I'm an orphan"
"I think it's enough, you'll be responsible for what you did, you know? I'll send this recording to the police."
She looks at me deeply. I have been ready for everything that will happened today! I have texted my friend to take the recording even he'll find me as pathetic corpse.
She smiles to me.. and for the first time.. I see her glazed eyes. why she shows that relieved face?
"Thank you very much. Let's eat the cake"
I smile awkwardly to her, knowing there's must be something on the cake. Then, she eats the cake first and laughs at my stiff face.
"What? Do you think you'll die by eating a delicious cake?" She speaks usually as if I really her friend for this whole year. I bet my life and eat the cake. Nothing happens. Yet...
Again she shows me a strange expression, not a cold-flat face, but a lonely eyes. She stands and walks through her house "I need to take something" she said. I secretly follow her steps, I'm sure she is preparing something evil. And binggo...
I find her standing at a desk and carrying a knife. "BUKK! Oh, crap"
She turns away all of sudden and sees me fell down on the floor. She comes to me with that knife, and it's the last time I see her smiling face. Then, everything becomes so dark.
***
Am I already dead?
"Tom!! wake up!! wake up!!" I feel my body is shaking.There is a glimpse of light in my blurry eyes, slowly, and everything becomes so clear. A guy sitting near to me, I know that guy. It's Alex, my friend that I texted to come, before. At Alex's back I see a familiar-but-strange scenery. This room is so familiar... but not with that bloody knife... and... Oh God? Is that Lilian?Did she suicide? I also see a bloody girl lying down on the floor with a knife on her chest.
"I'm just arrived here..What happened?"
I don't know. It is too complicated to be accepted by my brain. That girl dead-face looks so gloomy and lonely yet still elegant. I am so speechless seeing that beautiful creature painted by red-blooded dress. I come closer to see her face, ignoring Alex with his confusion. This is the time that I realize that she is so beautiful. At the desk beside her, I find a book and a letter with 'to my only friend' written.
The letter is so simple.
People thought that I was an innocent.
It was tragic, yet fun. That most people were blind.
That is only my "regret" of this life: No one sees me. Truly.
But it's ok, for it's my own life.
They adore me, and it's alright.
If you know a legend of (flower) lily that cursed by beauty.
You must know, it was neither a gift, nor curse. It was destiny.
That the Lily just try to live.
Lily or Lilian they are the same.
On the book I also find the accident files. The car accident and the conflagration. Suddenly I find something that I didn't realize for this one year. She always lives alone. Living lonely life that only comes from the people sympathy. Being adored for only her magical appearance. Yes, it is really suck. A greedy foster parents, friends that don't understand. I guess she never tries to kill me, or even becomes a murder. She just too innocent to think that they deserve to die for what they did to her. I see her face for the last time and hypnotized by her sleeping face. Finally I understand her 'strange' expression before. No one loves her. Suddenly I feel sorry about her, I don't understand that this whole year she really makes me as her friend. I never know why, but finally her bewitching sleeping face makes me feel guilty.
"What is that? What happened?" Alex still confuse facing me like a statue.
"I think, I just kill her, for not being a good friend this whole year."
She even suicide to pay for her guilty. I think people should know the truth... that she is a good girl that lives in wrong life. The truth that she is really only an innocent girl.
I throw away the recording to the sea, and ask Alex call the police and also ambulance (for taking care her corpse). It is easy for me to be assigned as a murderer, even Alex still believes in me. A guy that kill a girl for his sister revenge. At least, I think that girl will be at peace now. Her name is still as clear as the crystal.
***
Yes, I have been remembering that day.
It was my birthday. The day he interviewed me. The day that he saw me guilty. The day that I thought, he was an exceptional among those people. But then, he is just the same. Hypnotized by beauty, deceived by humanity. He'll regret for his entire life. He hides the truth. The truth that I'm a murderer.
While the down-sky appears, this car goes fast through the city. On the back seat, a corpse with nurse uniform lying down, will be ready to be buried. I holds a bucket of lilly of the valley flower for that corpse. I am looking foward to find my next birthday present. Whose death it will be? I won't stop until someone sees me. truly.